Catch the Little Foxes
Every night we walk through the same routine at bedtime. We say prayers and tuck the kids in bed. Then, I (Bonnie) head to our room to take a bath, take off makeup, and get on my pajamas. But Daniel’s ritual involves keeping our family safe. After getting coffee ready for the next morning, he goes through the house making sure the garage door is down and every door is locked tight.
There has been the rare occasion that we’ve walked into our garage the next morning to find that the door has been left open all night. Though we perceive that our neighborhood is safe, the idea that someone could have walked through our garage and caught us off guard with our defenses down sends chills up our spines. We would never intentionally leave our doors unlocked at night. So, why don’t we take precautions to safeguard our sexual relationship with our spouse?
God designed the intimacy of the sexual relationship to be treasured and protected. In Hebrews 13:4 we are told, “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” (The Message) Any time the Lord creates something and blesses it like He did the union between a husband and wife, the enemy of our souls will do everything possible to destroy it.
With pornography, child exploitation, and human trafficking at an all-time high, the enemy has taken a gift God designed for marriage and perverted it in unimaginable ways. As a result, fewer couples have a realistic and healthy view of sex inside their marriage relationship. The best way to keep a vibrant sex life at home is by locking down and fortifying any avenue the devil might try to slip into our relationship.
One way to protect your sexual relationship is by remaining transparent and coming clean about any secret sins. Undisclosed past relationships, past or current affairs, and pornography addictions are a few of the obvious offenses that need to come to light. In these cases, drastic measures will need to be taken in order to heal the damage. Confessions of this magnitude will most likely require the assistance of godly counsel or trained counselors to walk with you through the repair of your broken vows. But it is absolutely possible to experience sexual freedom and intimacy on the other side. If you have fallen into sexual temptation, you will also need to put up boundaries like internet filters and accountability to your spouse or mentor to keep you walking in purity in your marriage.
There are times we sabotage our own sexual relationship by sins we commit. Then, there are other times there have been sins committed against us that hold us captive and prevent us from having a healthy sexual relationship with our spouse. If you have experienced sexual abuse or infidelity, you no-doubt bear emotional scars that can rob you of intimate connection with your spouse. God wants you to experience healing and freedom in this area so you can enjoy what He has created for intimacy.
We implore you to seek counseling if this is something that affects your intimacy with your spouse. If you are encountering extreme difficulty in this area of your marriage you need to dig deeper and be completely honest with your spouse. Seek out a trained counselor who can work with you to find resolution and healing if any of these issues are a factor.
There are glaringly obvious attacks on the sacredness of marital sex like the ones we just mentioned that force us to fortify our marriages like never before. However, the enemy rarely walks through the front door in broad daylight to declare his destructive intentions. Rather, he slips through a cracked window to catch us unaware. That’s why we have to keep our guard up with friends of the opposite sex.
Happily married people rarely go out looking for affairs or ways to fulfill their sexual appetites outside of their spouses. Instead, the enemy slowly seduces them through things that seemed innocent in the beginning. Lending an ear to a coworker who is struggling with their marriage slips into emotional, then physical connection. Sharing a common goal or hobby through a workout group entices some to stray. The overfamiliarity with couple friends leads to accidental encounters that spark excitement.
These are the “little foxes” that King Solomon talked about in Song of Solomon 2:15. “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” Foxes are nocturnal animals that make their dens in holes in the ground. They invade vineyards at night when they are less guarded or burrow under the root systems. Not only does eating the grapes rob the crop, but tunneling under the roots makes the whole vine weak and vulnerable to failure.
We “catch the foxes” that slip into our marriage by being aware of the dangers lurking. We talk to our spouse about temptations, great or small that arise at work, online, through extra-curricular activities, or in what we view as the safest of friendships. Make no mistake. Your marriage has a target on it. The enemy’s entire goal is to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) the union between you and your spouse that God has blessed and declared as “very good.” Lock up all the doors. Seal tight every window so you can enjoy the fullness of the intimacy God delights for you to share with your spouse.
Safeguarding the Adventure,
Daniel & Bonnie