“Honestly, we just don’t have any similar interests. He likes to play video games and I like to go shopping at boutiques.” This a statement I’ve heard many times from couples. Whether it’s fantasy football, video games, or hunting… men find things to do in their cave! Typically, men don’t enjoy shopping at cute boutiques nor going to get a pedicure and women don’t get their kicks watching into three-hour college football games and sitting in deer stands. Rather than work to find mutual interest, it’s common for couples to simply go their own ways. However, it’s really important for couples to find some common ground when it comes to spending time together. Why is this? The old adage says that love is spelled T-I-M-E. To develop a deep and lasting friendship, couples must intentionally carve out time to enjoy each other.
You’ve probably heard it said that the quality of time is more important than the quantity of time spent together. The problem is, more often than not, quality flows out of quantity. It’s difficult to get to know someone deeply without spending a great deal of time with them. That’s why weekly date nights are critical to the depth of the friendship in marriage. If you don’t have the opportunity to spend large amounts of time together due to work, or responsibilities, then set aside short spurts on a consistent basis.
One of the best things Bonnie and I have done in our marriage is to make the decision to go to bed at the same time every night. Each night, Bonnie will say, “I’m gonna go get ready for bed.” This is my cue to begin wrapping up whatever I’m doing, lock the doors, cut off the lights, prep the morning coffee, etc. Then for the next hour or two, we intentionally hang out together. Sometimes we will binge-watch something, or we’ll talk, or do other “married people things!” Each night we have a built-in date night. In most marriages, this will take work. You may have to adjust your body’s internal clock. But it’s totally worth it! An hour a day of pillow talk adds up and keeps you connected with your spouse.
You don’t have to have a ton of hobbies in common to invest in your friendship. It’s not so much about what you do together. It’s more about WHO you’re with and the fact that you’re intentionally making time to stay connected to your best friend!
Enjoying the Adventure,
Daniel & Bonnie